The Scarf..

This would be a beige one! 

There’s this scarf I can’t bring myself to wearing, no it is not hideous, it is actually quite fashionable and warm but still, I cannot bring myself to wearing it. Cream has never been my favourite colour and yet this is not the point. It still smells like her, I have day dreams of her playing in her snowy backyard looking ever so beautiful, wrapped warm and snug in that very scarf. I imagine her taking the tube or something, off to work where the receptionist smiles and says “Looking gorg love, especially in that scarf!!” and her smiling ‘that’ smile; “thank you” a little small talk then she’s off again.  Every time I consider wearing it I realise how little I have that goes well with it or compliments the chunky Hand knitted Italian wool, or comes close to complimenting it how she would have. God! I can’t imagine myself in that scarf, not too sure if I would be serving her memory right. Not quite sure how I landed with some of her best stuff but, if I wore it all it would do is stir up ‘unnecessary’ emotion. I haven’t even tried it on, maybe at some stage; I will at least try it on, look in the mirror then pack it back into that Marks &Spencer bag where her stuff…my stuff…the stuff that was hers, came in.
There’s this scarf I can’t bring myself to wearing I guess it’s never going to feel quite like mine. 

To be a ‘Worker Ant’ or not to be one is that the question?



The university environment literally is an ‘everything’ melting pot and can cause culture shock to the faint hearted masses, me included. I’m an aspiring entrepreneur; aspiration, what a word full of hope brimming with freshness and bubbling with excitement. And yet once the nestling leaves the nest and is thrust into the exposure of the outside world, its goals tend to change direction. Its thought and planning patterns involve more variables, in actual fact the entire blueprints of what one based on their future will most probably require total remodelling. Most students I’ve come across in my faculty (Economics & Management Science) have that ‘white-picket fence’ idea of their future, be it future Charted Accountants, Economists or even Managers. This was at first quite disappointing to me. Everyone (well almost,) has this great idea that they will graduate and be handed this executive position, fancy-ass company car and health insurance, all in tow. Well in reality (so I keep being told) it’s not that simple, hell I digress it sure is simpler to follow than to lead, to fine tune your brain into receiving orders and not giving them. To stand in the crowd and be a sycophant, living life behind those tedious lines that dictate, colour here, red light: stop, orange: be cautious or some crap like that.

Once upon a time I thought that was bullshit, I was sure that I’d be paying half the buggers in my faculty’s salaries (for what it’s worth only about fifty of us will graduate). But like a yawn and as sure as German clockwork; the aspired Forbes listing dropped as I drafted my picket fence and office-plaque-on desk daydream. Not in my own building of course but in someone else’s, their dream and vision, someone bolder than I or any of my future employee classmates, a person with a good pair of ‘kahunas’ male or female doesn’t count. 

All my heroes threw caution to the wind and swam against the tide of uncertainty, ignored the probable and hoped for the unimaginable something one can aspire to do or can frown upon with detestation. It takes balls to be an entrepreneur or anyone of relevance (just ask Lady Gaga), big ones too (that and good genes, oh yes and money, money, money, capital, land, technology, brains but most importantly balls to put all of that together!).

Don’t get me wrong I respect every law abiding, obedient and hard working employee, without the worker ants there would be no colony and without employees there would be no enterprises, it’s just not the idea I have for ‘my’ life purpose. That is not the ‘me’ I want to be but if that’s the ‘you’, you want to be I’m totally okay with it dude (YOLO). Workers and leaders are in actual fact born every day, but both have to decide which they want to be ‘created’ into; where their hunger lies, to pioneer, stand out or be a part of the crowd dependant on others for direction and to play it safe. (Dependency that’s a whole different post, note to self).

The bottom line is picking one, a Bunji rope or a Leash(fetishists I can hear your perverted minds think, stop it!) I don’t know about you guys but I want to be the queen ant who lays the golden pupae and I’m hoping I’m trudging down the right tunnel while I’m at it it is myhope you are too.

Winter 'Ronelines'

Welcome one and all my fingers literally itch I’ve wanted to feel up on this keyboard like a horny drunkard would during the bars’ last call. Not because my options are as limited as the poor under sexed drunk dude BUT well because I have options and I’m not necessarily undersexed. (If my imaginary vibrator counts). Speaking of good vibrations those of which are on the African end of life are in the dreaded baby-making winter times. Don’t you just love winter? All those hunger pangs; the THIRSTS and overall sluggishness? The need to be cuddled and that cold unloved side of your bed for some and yet so many? The massive amounts of second and extra helpings of everything edible? Ah! winter is indeed upon us as the sassiest dressers pull on the most hideous legging and fuzzy boot combos known to men. I refer to ‘men’ because some of the boots look alive I kid you not, I may only be a hipster at heart but I get the need to protest every now and then when live foxes are publically used as footwear. These awful boots manage to lure the hunter within the most urban of men.

Winter highlights the greatest conspiracy against students of all time though, Winter Exams. Since Primary throughout High School I’ve thrown on the woollies and bared it, through varsity? Not so much.  How is any normal human being capable of normal bodily function (i.e. anyone who can feel their balls or nipples freeze) suppose to comprehend any form literature in this weather? I do declare Africa needs some timetable changes for real. I don’t care what you give me to read a Mill’s & Boons couldn’t preoccupy me for a full fifteen minutes without at least three Hagrid-sized mugs of coffee. So which real adult came up with the idea that bloody exams should be written in this blistering cold? Is it not torture enough that many a student’s bed remain lonely, no body warmth just a cheap hot-water bottle. (Pro: At least it won’t sleep with your best friend, well not intimately) as if misplaced exams and empty beds aren’t torture enough there’s all this greasy food around that seems to catch you and your appetite just in time (EVERYTIME)for a ‘small snack’. You’ll notice my ranting is in complete ‘anti-winter’ fashion. Speaking of the lumpy sweaters make for good camouflage right now but highlight my text, when temperatures will change o’ and it will be ten times ten at the scale by the end of winter oh!

Frozen StudentsJust what the Canibal Ordered

Namibian, Windhoek weather doesn’t help as indecisive as ever. I retract that it decidedly is dedicated towards fooling all into believing the bright sunlight brings warmth and that the icy breeze is non-existent! (Don’t believe the sunshine!) And what’s with those overly publicly affectionate knitted couples on campus, knitted in terms of out fits and the well maintained lip locked position,( bear in mind this is blatant ‘haterade’ so just roll with it) I often secretly wonder if frost could them hard and quick enough their tongues would get stuck together  quite similar to having a really cold ice block/popsicle sticking onto your tongue as a kid. (nobody remembers that? Am I the only victim of this?)But no chances of that I suppose (It’s cold in Namibia but not cold enough for my evil plots!).

I would carry on with my complaints but I feel the need to nurture and not scare (Piss Off!)the few readers I have right now, speaking of which please do share these written ramblings with your mates, I hear the power of the social network(definitely not the movie at the box office) has reached Greek God/dess levels so do spread the madness like Herpes!

iHeart College (i.e. University to the Africans)

You’re sitting in that cold yet fully packed open space and it hits you, just as you look at that printed paper all the wasted time of your semester flashes before you, that Shit called life you ‘YOLO'd’ at comes and bites you in the ass; that six pack of ‘who knows’, shots and or shooters of ‘God forbid’, gallivanting to clubs named after islands off coasts you can only Google Map (an atlas seriously what century is this?).

Being a university student is a lot harder than Asher Roth puts it. I mean sure all the good stuff is there believe that, drugs you’ve always heard of and only dreamt of trying, the easiest girls in the world  or drunest or both (in all honesty if guys don’t get more laid in their varsity days something is wrong, right?), beyond frivolous sex, love triangles, the boy or the b*tch is mine claw and fist fights respectively, the party rocking colour blocking, leotards en shuffle or vice versa without the apologies and the alcohol? Good heavens it is indeed ‘liquor paradise’, mostly for those who can both afford and handle it. One can eat crap or not eat it every day, vomit it after every meal or eat five helpings of it at every juncture. You can be queer, straight or drag, change your name to Longinus or anything considered ‘cool’ at the time no one cares! Its freedom deluxe and no one anywhere beyond reach can tell you what to do how often with whom at what time. I could go on and with the list of liberties but those in University know these things.

Back to the point before I drift off into another post teenage reverie (cue dreamy harp music), where was I Yes, a cold open space. You’re in that exam room alone, as far as the Answer sheet ids considered you’re an individual who shall be evaluated as such. It doesn’t matter how epic last night’s party was or how much you scribble ‘WTF?’ the question paper. The reality remains though hard as hell you should be your own person or you’ll get swept by the High School, University and eventually Adult life currents. You’ll figure from the stuff mentioned these waters flow strong because even after high school,( the place we’re encouraged to shun our true selves for the most insignificant amount of acceptance) we are thrust into young adultery, I mean adulthood, University.  Be it far from home in hundreds or thousands of kilometres or miles for most. There’s an obvious shift environment, when you’re on slight occasion home sick then you’re so NOT! Subsequently there’s this ‘thing’ you feel; (for many it’s the reason they leave home or choose a university so far away)…it’s Kanye-West-Power. No one student should have it but we do the second we arrive by coach, plane or in uncomfortable-as-fuck-Combies, the power to be the person you were raised to be or to create an entirely different personality is placed firmly in grasp. You could either roll it into a blunt or mould it into a vase your pick!

It’s so simple to lose oneself who you are where you are coming from and worse yet where you’re headed, finding you though, all of him/her? Not so easy I suggest name tags, labels and preferably not to get lost at all. Stay rooted not stumped to where you are from never forget it, good or bad it’s the official measure of progress or regression, left from right. And remember just as there is a morning after tablet for unprotected sex there’s a piercing headache and hunger pang from hell (Hangover) after a night of epic party rocking; Ladies, Gents and ‘In-betweeners’, consequence lives amongst us.

Rarai Zvakanaka Mudara Sam: Sam Levy Makes A Tragic Exit

The news of Sam Levy’s death comes as sudden to many and irrelevant to some. I couldn’t help but choke up just a little at the news this morning (via Twitter naturally it is the 21^st century newspaper). As I mentioned before, a few may find the loss of this tycoon unimportant but to those who may have known him personally or had even the most short-lived encounter with him, Sam Levy was not a character one would be swift to forget. He was never out of wit as he broke into occasional Shona sharing jokes with his employees at varied positions, from bathroom janitors, security personnel to his secretary and accountants.

It was tempting at first glance to put him in the grumpy old rich intimidating man category but not rightly so, as a bit of a stare would result in a slight double take. The contrast of a Jewish, Shona speaking, humble millionaire took a while to absorb and adjust to. This, however did not give room to floppy-shoddy work and defaulted payments, Sam managed to create a balance between the occasional cheeriness and that of the fierce Landlord quite well and I’m sure tenants old and new of the esteemed Sam Levy Village will concur as his son Isaac walks briskly in this path. It got the job done, clearly. 

 Sam Levy in relation to my life, was that well of wisdom I got momentary drops of inspiration that helped me set my life back on track. The random thought of His life and legacy often gets me back at that study table when I occasionally get lost again. Though I may have been irrelevant to him (I  hope not but I probably was ), it is my desire to be as much a blessing, success story and overall business Ninja like him, to still thrive at Zimbabwe’s’ worst. A man who saw potential from miles and sowed the very faith in people they didn’t have in themselves. The memory of him parking his old as he and just as classic Cadillac, waved hello and strode down Julia’s Parade to his office/ store (which up till this day has no name I’m sure), this will forever play as my fondest memory of Mr Sam Levy the, Sam the Village family had grown fond off. (he reminded me loads of Tony from the Sopranos only a nicer less mafia type…Too soon?)  After such a long and traumatic battle with Cancer, the only silver lining is he has at last found peace and rest and it is indeed the worlds’ loss. Rarai Zvakanaka Mudara Sam.

IT’S MY FIRST TIME AND I’M A BIT OF A VIRGIN

So turns out this is my first blog entry and just so you know I will not be writing erotically the whole time But I might surprise you (I like surprises don’t you?); I feel the dire need to greet the people who may stumble upon this, quite literally (it will be a little tangled and mixed up the first couple of posts.. I hope); Hello one and all! Welcome!

Now that’s out of the way let’s get to it. When I first got the bullocks idea to write a blog I thought “I  have a lot to say I might as well put it down in virtual ink and paper”. Then there was this fear that, “who cares what I have to say?”, that fear of flopping, the horror that nobody would read it. (Come to think of it that’s the pang at the pit of my stomach at this very moment). Whether it will it be read I haven’t the foggiest but I sure as hell hope so. Back to the subject matter (I tend to drift off a lot and yes there’s a point to this diddle-doddle), FEAR! It’s just popped in my head given as a result of it I was quite literally reduced to tears by a group of girls.(More of that in the future) I’d like to believe (given my cup size DD); I’m a grown ass woman! However there are those moments when the coward within takes to the stand and all we are left with is self loathing, disgust at our inability to face those things that have haunted us maybe not our entire lives but such fractions count math proves it.  Nudged and poked at the core of our esteem, embedded cracks at our very self whatever makes us ourselves.

I have loads of fears and as a Christian this should be embarrassing, some are genuine as well as typical and most are… what some may refer to as ridiculous. Two major ones in the ridiculous department, the fear of failure (I’m sure many will concur) and the fear of not being accepted! There I said it! I like being liked okay doesn’t everyone though? It’s a true psychological weakness I acquired from years of boarding school torture. (It always helps to blame someone or something). There’s this thing about being accepted being told that even though you’re not perfect or the standard of what would be considered as normal or cool or even awesome, it’s okay. In high school I was the official outcast out law, I still am a lot, I never blended in easily, hell! I never blended in at all and we all know what that meant yup! I was the big ass of the joke quite literally, (Was and still am the buxom chick). So there’s always been that ‘thing’ where I have the need to go out of my way to be liked, damn this girl has worked hard even in instances where she didn’t have to. Like I said it’s a psychological ailment. Though my fear may be ridiculous, I’ve noted that it’s shared by many in different shapes. Hell it’s on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs or something!

‘Since the dawn of man’, people have always had a problem with accepting dissimilarity it’s like a bad hard wiring we have, as though our first instinct is to shun anything out of the ordinary and that is where I’m sure fear ferments; when we are threatened by the unusual.

And in this racy world there is so much more time for assumptions than there is for evaluations. We’re quick about everything; people have sex in public bathrooms that’s beyond evidence enough; we are even quicker to judge, to misunderstand or worse yet to disregard. We complain about limitations of time and the emptiness of life when we ignore the very variations that set our lives apart! We write off people because they aren’t convectional when we claim to be in the ‘New Age’ to be the ‘cool Generation’ and yet discrimination is right in front us we fuel the fear of the unknown! We create out casts, the in and out crowds, we determine whether money matters, clothes, backgrounds or sexual orientation! Bob Marley might have been baked on weed the whole time but I totally get that One Love song; world peace may be unattainable, Marijuana illegal but acceptance? That’s free. I totally sound like a hipster and I’m proud because I think I am a bit at heart. That’s all I’ve got for now  and if at least 10 people read this I will by The Almighty’s’ grace I will  get the energy to do this again so till you read again Ciao!!