Eyes Wide Shut

Don’t say it, 

 Don’t look at me with those dark eyes,

Not even a whisper would suffice,

Don’t you DARE, my eyes are wide,

Wide enough to find all that I’m looking for,

 The rest is there,

Bare like a centre fold,
that you behold, as you harden

I beg once again for you to hold onto the thinnest thread,

 Peace as it unravels before me.

 Walk away but don’t go

Stay but leave,

 Look at me with hunger…again,

Just once more no more declines,

Just believe that these eyes of mine are wide shut.

Shut like a camera goes, click click,

 The photos on your phone,

Snap! as my temper goes,

I said listen to me MY EYES ARE WIDE SHUT!

Don’t force sight on me,

 I ‘sea’ just fine, nude beaches where you reclined,

 Sand in your shoes,

 Marbles lost in my head,

They knotted my loose ends

Eyeballs rolling,

Tears falling,

Voices roaring,

I want to be shut down,

Don’t press the earthed buttons,

 Wide shut is all I ask,

Eyes wide shut, is all I’ll ever be.

 

I choose me.

I turn twenty-something in a few hours and I’ve got to say, things do get clearer with age. Take it in any context you wish for some, it’s the end of acne or something, for me… not so much. In the past couple of days, I’ve had the greatest epiphanies in relation to my life. Almost as though someone out there in the universe found me lost and floating about, drowning every now and then, then lifted me to the surface; steered me down the ‘right’ path and said “Go on kid, Godspeed!”  Suddenly I have the right to be happy, wait; I’ll bet you’re thinking   ”WTF? How does one not know they have the right to be happy?” I tell you now I hadn’t quite grasped the concept, hell I’m still adjusting to it. “Why?”, you might ask; Priorities I would answer. The need to be needed is and has been a drug to me for ages, so for the sake of maintaining that, I would place ‘my’ needs, wants, whatever; at the bottom of ‘my’ own food chain.  Ridiculous, pathetic, sad you name it, I know it’s got massive elements of truth in it so I’ll sustain the name calling.

Point is as far as this God given life of mine is concerned, I realise only NOW after ages of self emotional, mental, physical negligence that there is absolutely no shame in giving yourself some love (buzzzzzzzz just playing I didn’t mean it that way...Or did I?).

 People will call you a self-absorbed b*tch or an a**hole (depending on whether you stand or sit to pee), ‘they’ will label you selfish, for putting yourself first. ‘They’ will always have something to say, I guarantee it.

Now I’m definitely am not implying that we should all be jerks, going about pissing off and screwing people over just because we don’t give a f*ck. Oh na na!! That’s not it.
Instead of going all lengthy and explanatory , I’ll ask you this;  how do you help other people to aim higher, be happier, caring and all that Power Puff girl sh*t when you REFUSE to give yourself the benefit of being loved by the very person who knows you best, YOU?

It’s about putting your-self first and loving the ‘You’, you are now and nurturing it into something more epic than before every day, although these things will never happen overnight; it’s worth the wait,  I have to say it is rather thrilling. That person (you know the one you’re working on), can better help other people; after all we all have luggage of some sorts , it’s up to you how and where you pack it.

The Simplest of Prayers...

Jabez was more Honourable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez, saying, "I gave birth to him in pain." Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, saying,

"Oh that you would bless me and enlarge my territory!

 Let your hand be with me,

and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain."

And God granted his request. (NIV)

 

I can't get over the fact that it was just that simple, Jabez asked precisely and he got just that. It wasn't an ambiguous request. He didn't put words like 'maybe' and 'if'. He grabbed it by the...Horns.
It’s the same in our everyday lives, whether you're into Judaism, Islam, Hindu or an Atheist. Here’s a wee little ethical fact, if you don't ask for it you won't get it. if you ask for something you actually don't want then you're kinda stuck in that muddle puddle you ordered subconsciously because YOU chose it, not anyone else. It is time we take responsibility for the subliminal or blunt 'mixed signals' we're putting out there.

Every day in all we do we ask for something, our actions,

 

thoughts, speech get us to places we either never planned on being, never wanted to be or both. It’s time we all revaluate our silent pleas...What are you asking for today?

It's Too Short

Just looking and thinking about it me and her didn't have any photos to hold our short memories onto...any evidence of sisterly love we shared.

All I can hope for is the love inside.

Love shown the amount…immeasurable... insatiable... I loved that girl more than I can think about it...

More than I dare to breathe it in thought

... And her leaving, her being gone just made it worse

Of course!! Why wouldn't it be worse?

She was my closest sister

When visits allowed my best friend too!

You know i couldn't tell her everything though?

I mean a teenage girl had to save them secrets...like firsts

 and lasts...

Now I wish I'd spilt, we’d have giggled laughed fought and spat

I'll never get the chance to do just that

The Moral of the story has been done to death pun

intended and yet fuck it we pay no heed. We go on like we

don't give a fuck when we do.

Screaming YOLO when we haven’t a clue, how to live our

lives; our petty existence.

Got someone special your mum dog or step dad?

Stop Fucking around and show it.